Two Strange Girls
by LunaPadma
Summary: When two American girls arrive at Hogwarts during the second generation, sparks fly. A triple OC story worth reading.
1. Excuse Me?

WE OWN NOTHING. J.K. ROWLING ISN'T TWO PEOPLE!

"Jones, Accalia"

A girl separated herself from the group of first years waiting to be sorted.

"The name is Cali. As in California. Don't call me Accalia. My mother already made me move HERE. Don't torture me further."

Professor McGonagall looked affronted and shocked. "Umm...Jones, Cali?"

Cali walked over, picked up the sorting hat, looked inside and gingerly put it on.

_I see great things in this mind. _The sorting hat said.

**Do you have head lice? **Cali asked suspiciously

_Excuse me?_

**Little buggy things. Duh.**

_Ummm...no._

**DO THE SORTY THING ALREADY!**

_Excuse me?_

**Is that your catchphrase or something?**

_Excuse me?_

**Why do have such a stupid catchphrase?**

_What?_

**What happened to doing the sorty thing?**

UMM...RAVENCLAW!

**Are you sure you don't have head lice?**

_Goodbye?_

**Excuse me?**

_That's my catchphrase!_

**Whatever. See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!**

"Joness, Aerilyn"

Another girl walked up to the stage.

"Actually, it's JO-NESS, not JONES," she remarked softly.  
"I don't care. Put on the gosh-darn fudging hat!"

Hagrid came up from behind the professor, "Do you really feel the need to bring up the old minister?"

"Shut up, Hagrid!" she cried as she shoved the hat on the girl's head.

**Ummm, hi?**

_Are you friends with the girl who just left?_

**Yeah, she's my best friend.**

_Are you anything like her?_

**No. I'm the shy one. She's the rude one.**

_You can say that again._

**I would prefer not to.**

_So what do you want to be in?_

**Isn't that your job?**

_Ummm, true. Why is there a Broadway song stuck in your head?_

**I'm excited for flying, so I have 'Defying Gravity' stuck in my head. **

_Whatever. _RAVENCLAW!!!!!

**Thanks, Mr. Sorting Hat.**

_I would recommend finding better friends._

**Ummm, ok then, see you later.**

James Potter II stared at the Ravenclaw table.

"What are you doing?" asked his little brother, Albus.

"I'm trying to see those two hot disruptive Ravenclaw chicks. Move! I can't see them!"

There was a tap on his shoulder. James spun around to see the hot disruptive Ravenclaw chicks.

"Do I look like a chicken to you?" the one who hated her name said curiously.

"Ummm...no?"

She turned to her best friend and said, "You know, Hogwarts students are supposed to be some of the smartest students in the world. I disagree. Ummms are not smart. And I've heard too many of them today." And then she slapped James Sirius Potter across the face.

"What was that for?"

"For being an idiot. I am a woman hear me roar. You know, like your dinky little mascot?"

"You did not just diss the Gryffindor lion."

"I think I just did Mr. I-can't-say-a-single-sentence-without-sounding-stupid-and-male-chauvinistic. AKA Gryffindork."

"Excuse me?"

"MAYBE IT'S THE HOGWARTS CATCHPHRASE! I'M DOOMED!"

Her best friend slapped James, and put her hand around Cali's-that was her name!-shoulder.

"Salem people say it too."

"Not nearly as much Aerie."

"What kind of name is Aerie?" James interjected.

"As in Arizona? As in the place where Stephenie Meyer lives? As in I need my Jacob Black right now?"

"Black? As in me?" a boy beside James said.

Cali replied, "Is your first name Jacob?"

"No."

"Then you're not the one she's looking for. And I know you're not Embry – you're not nearly hot enough," She continued

"What are you guys even talking about?"

"Are you incredibly buff?"

"No."

"Are you at least seven feet tall?"

"I'm six- nine"

"Do you turn into a sexy werewolf?"

"Excuse me?"

"HOGWARTS!!!!!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. "Is your body temperature 108.9?"

"Wouldn't you be dead?"

"You are so not Embry."

"You couldn't have just said 'You're not Embry?'" Aerie glared.

"That's not how I roll. And FURTHERMORE I don't get why the heck it is called Ravenclaw. Ravens don't have claws. That is why we are RavenTalons. "

"All right, let's go with that."


	2. What the Fudge?

Disclaimer: If we owned Harry Potter, we'd hardly be sitting in the back of the computer lab, writing this. We also don't own a certain quote. Try and figure it out.

Potions Class

"Why? Why me? Why torture? Did I kill someone in my past life???"

"You really hate potions that much?"

"Yes, Aerie – it's animal abuse! And disgusting."

"I get the disgusting. How is it animal abuse, Cali?"

"Well, duh – skin of blah-blah-blah, hair of other blah-blah-blah, blood of third blah-blah-blah, what the fudge?"

"What is it with you people and the past minister?" the un-werewolf guy asked.

"Ok, what's your name, anyway?" Aerie asked in return, annoyingly.

"Murzim Black. As in the star. As in Canis Major. As in call me that and you die. Call me Zi. As in Z – I!!! Not Zi as in Z as in letter Z as in Zi!!!" He screamed.

"Whatever Murzim." Cali replied sarcastically.

"IT'S ZI!!!!"

"Yeah, whatever. Murzim. What the fudge. As in I am against swearing, therefore fudge." Cali said calmly.

"As in, not the past minister" Aerie continued.

"As in who the heck is he?" Cali asked.

Everyone gaped at her, "Are you serious right now?"

"As serious as his uncle. It is uncle, right?" Cali replied, pointing at Zi. (you know the Murzim dude?)

"How do you know that?"

"Hello – he was only the hottest guy who ever lived?" Aerie interjected.

"That's kind of disturbing." Zi responded.

"Ya think? I'm the one who has to live with her, 'Mr. Not Zi as in Z as in letter Z as in Zi'!" Cali cried

"What the fudge?" Zi cried in return.

"Why are you mentioning the past minister, Zi?" James came over to ask.

"KEEP THE BATTLES ON THE DANCE FLOOR!!!!" Cali screamed.

Everyone turned to look at her again.

"Yeah, Murzim, why are you mentioning the past minister?" she continued calmly.

Everyone just stared. Slughorn walked in just then, "Everyone, get ready to work."

"What the fudge?" Cali screamed yet again.

"What is it with Americans and fudge?" Slughorn questioned.

"It's a delicious, sweet treat, and it's GOOD!" Cali retorted.

"She's just a little obsessed." Aerie said. "Ignore her."

"Oh excuse me, Mrs. I-am-obsessed-with-Jacob-Black-and-I-kiss-his-picture-every-night-before-bed!"

"That's natural."

"In what parallel universe?"

"This one. What other one would we be in?"

"A parallel one?"

"Then why would we call it a parallel one? Woudn't we just call it the normal one? And the other one would be the parallel one. Not this one. The other one!"

"I'm talking about the other one."

"We are in the other one – we were assuming for a moment what it would be if we were in the other one. The other one to the other one."

"What the fudge?"

"We're back at this again?"

Meanwhile, the whole room had backed away from the Ravenclaws (*cough**Raventalons**cough*)

"Hey guess what, Aerie? I can clear an entire room with the snap of my fingers!" Cali snapped and then yelled, "Craziness is contagious!!!"

Everybody ran out of the room as fast as they could.

"That was a joke people. You can come back now."

Everyone cautiously walked back in.

"Unless that's the craziness talking and it really is contagious. Or is that the craziness talking? Or is that the craziness bacteria being smart and making us tell you that so you will come back in and be infected by the craziness bacteria?" Aerie said.

"OR are you already infected?" Cali continued.

Everyone ran out again.

"EARLY LUNCH!" Cali screamed.

"What the fuzzadge" Aerie screamed in return as she slumped and her head hit the table.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

-20 minutes later-

"Back to the real class," Slughorn began as he cautiously walked back into the class with the timid students following behind.

"Why? Why me? Why torture? Did I kill someone in my past life???" Cali said tearfully.

"I'm getting serious déjà-vu here." Aerie replied.

"Hey, it's animal abuse!"

"I'm experiencing déjà-vu and amnesia at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before."

"What the fudge? That's my catchphrase – you know like hers is 'I love Jacob Black'?" Cali responded to the gaping faces.

"Anyways, we are going to begin the school year with a pair's assignment. Ummm, lets see – Aerilyn with Murzim."

"It's Aerie!" "It's Zi!" They both screamed at the exact same time.

"And remember, call me Accalia and you die." Everyone scooted farther away. "No pressure or anything. That's not how I roll!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

-10 minutes later-

"Ok, so how about you do all the work and I sit around and do nothing?" Zi questioned, quite seriously.

"Or how about I do this?" Aerie responded

"What's this?"

"I pour bobotuber pus down your shirt?"

"You wouldn't" Zi exclaimed.

Aerie reached over to a gross-smelling yellow vial and poured it on his head.

"Just did."

Murzim screamed like a little girl.

"And remember, Murzim, I DO NOT LIKE SLACKERS!"

"You're violent. That's kinda cute." He exclaimed as he ran to the hospital wing.

"When do you think he's going to realize that was just scented water?" Cali came over to ask.

"Never. And I'm not telling him. You better not either." Aerie continued.

"As if. Cuz I'm really close with, 'Mr. Not Zi as in Z as in letter Z as in Zi'! You know, 'Mr. You're violent. That's kinda cute.' Someone has a crush!" Cali teased.

"What the fuzzage!" Aerie screamed.

Slughorn began, "Why would you mention –"

"Don't even think about it!" Cali screamed.

"KEEP THE BATTLES ON THE DANCE FLOOR!!!!" Aerie yelled.

"That's my catchphrase."

"I was quoting you. Imitation is the greatest form of flattery."

"Whatever, dude."


	3. Je veux la creme glacee de chocolat

**Yeah. We are actually J.K. Rowling in disguise. She just happens to be American. And two people.** _And may or may not (probably is) be obsessed with Twilight. In fact she is._** We don't know that. End of this disclaimer. **_Not yet. _**Do you want another Carlisle Disclaimer (just read "Top Ten Ways to Annoy…) by me. **_I helped write some! _**Not enough!**

THREE WEEKS AFTER THE LAST CHAPTER

"I knew we should have gone to Salem!" Cali exclaimed, looking at the mountains of homework.

"It's all of two assignments, Cali," Aerie replied.

"Well, one of those assignments is three whole inches long! I can only write one and a half inches high!"

"Is that the one I'm already a foot and a half into?"

"Nerd."

"How did you get into Raventalon?"

"I am very good at finding loopholes. And the sorting hat wanted to get rid of me."

"Oh, yeah – it thought you were rather rude."

"My butt. It was the rude one."

"You're strange. Very strange."

"You're the strange one, Mrs. I-am-obsessed-with-Jacob-Black-and-I-kiss-his-picture-every-night-before-bed!"

"There's nothing wrong with that! He loves me, back!"

"Do you remember that déjà-vu/amnesia quote? I'm getting that."

"Strange. I need to work on a potions essay."

"Is that the one you're a foot and a half into?"

"No, it's the one I'm three and a half feet into."

Cali's face was an expression of shock and horror. "That's the optional one," she whispered in horror.

"It's an essay. You get credit."

"But it's optional, Aerie. And you don't actually get credit."

"Oh. I bet he'll give me extra credit."

"After you poured scented water down Murzim's shirt and he almost wet himself?"

"He did not."

"Yeah he did."

"Ew."

"Yeah. Can I burn your essay?"

"No! I worked for over five minutes on it!"

"Please? Just a little bit?"

"No. Aren't you going to do your own essay?"

"I already did, see? It's over three inches."

"You wrote 'The properties of Moonstones, by Cali' in big letters. That's not an essay."

"It's three inches!"

"Three inches of 'T'"

"Fine. Gimme a couple of your inches to use!"

"Why should I?"

"Why not?"

"Why should I not?"

"Exactly you should."

"No I shouldn't, because I should not."

"You shouldn't because you shouldn't?"

"Exactly. I shouldn't."

"I'm going to will you to do it using my incredible mind powers. Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! Give it! GIVE IT!"

"I will give Cali my potions homework…" she said in a dazed tone.

"Really?"

"Trade." She continued in the dazed voice.

They switched papers.

"Zip-e-de-do-da! Zip-e-de-ay! My oh my… THIS PAPER IS BLANK!!!"

Meanwhile Aerie was by the fireplace, burning Cali's essay.

"I'm going to shave the left half of your head in the middle of the night."

"That's ok. I have protection spells on my hair."

"Meanypants!"

"My pants are mean? I thought they were cute."

"Stinky cheese head!"

"Je déteste le fromage"

"Then you hate your face!"

"Is that what that means?"

"It means I hate cheese. Therefore, you hate your face."

"Oh. I just read it on some fanfiction. I thought it meant, like, how are you."

"It means I hate cheese."

"Since when do speak French?"

"Since .com."

"Weird."

"I also know how to say, 'I want chocolate ice cream'."

"That's random. Though true. How?"

"Je veux la crème glacée de chocolat."

"Tell the house elves that."

"They don't speak French."

"Then say it in English. I feel like eating chocolate ice cream now. Thanks a lot."

"You wanted to know."

"Yes I did. And now I want chocolate ice cream. Nice going."

"Whatever dude, whatever."

"Let's get ice cream."

"I want cookie dough in mine."

"I want oreos in mine."

"OH. And then I have to do my stupid potions essay. Oh wait, I already did that."

"Then why did you say that you did?"

"To get on your nerves."

"That's real nice."

"I know!"


End file.
